I really don't want to write a column this week. I have no desire. Fortunately, that feeling doesn't hit often, but when it does, it's almost useless for me to attempt what feels like the impossible mission. I'd be better off to use a previously-written column or just plug in another columnist's work, rather than my own. It would sure save a lot of headaches for me, and in the end, you'd probably enjoy it more as well.
I try. I really do. Every week about this time, I attempt to think of a new idea, a new subject, a new way to look at an old subject, or something completely different all together. It usually happens. Something sparks an idea or a thought, and I spend the next couple of days (or at least hours — OK, sometimes it's minutes) trying to organize a random thought into something worth writing and/or publishing. I've been doing it for 20-plus years. You would think I'd have this weekly task mastered by now.
A good week is when I figure out on Tuesday what I'm going to write about. That way I've got a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and a couple of hours on Friday to write it, polish it up, make some changes, have somebody copy edit it and ultimately get it on the page. That's the perfect world ... which I seldom live in these days.
Instead, a late Thursday afternoon out of the gate is when my race usually begins with the hopes of crossing the finish line in time for Saturday's newspaper. It's not a big deal. It usually works, as long as I put myself in the right frame of mind to get this old pony started. I'm to the point in my career where I'm not even looking for the winner's circle anymore. I just want to finish the race.
I grew up around ponies and horses, and I know they can be temperamental beasts. My grandfather had a way with them — they never gave him any trouble, but they weren't so obedient for the rest of the family. In other words, they kind of did what they wanted ... when they wanted, and we were left holding the reins to try to maneuver these animals to perform.
So if I continue with that analogy, the problem here for me is that I'm holding my own reins, and I'm in charge of how this animal inside me performs. Realistically, it's kind of frightening because I'm at the stage in this race where it would be very easy to run off the track. That's right ... I could lay down those reins and just go meander in some lush pasture versus attempting to stay the course. It's very tempting, and if you're about my age, I know you understand the need to shed the saddle, spit out the bridle and run free ... so to speak.
Like those wild horses out west, there's the call for me to experience the freedom they must feel. No bridle, no saddle, no rider on their back — just the wind in their faces, their manes and tails flying, the look of wild abandon in their eyes. They know not the need to perform, to please, to get it right. Instead, they live for the moment — oblivious to the ways of the world. I don't know about you, but that's a lifestyle that seems rather appealing.
But back at the ranch (aka my office), the need to put pen to paper (aka fingers to keyboard) beckons me ... as the wind must call those wild horses out west. So I do what I do every week — even when I don't really want to ... I sit down at this computer and come up with an idea that might turn into yet another column.
I'm holding the reins — not nearly so tightly as I used to, but nevertheless, I'm in charge of these words and the need to give you another Saturday column. I'm in the gate, and the bell has rung. Ultimately, this race is my own, and there are no other riders on the track today. I'll give it my all. While I don't race at full speed anymore, I'll trot through this column and ultimately look for the finish line. It's what I do ... as the yearning for the look of wild abandon urges me onward.
BCR Editor Terri Simon can be reached at tsimon@bcrnews.com.
Putnam County Record Editor Terri Simon can be reached at tsimon@putnamcountyrecord.com.
Tonica News Editor Terri Simon can be reached at tsimon@tonicanews.com.